Echoes of Mercy (Astrid)

[GWEN MORGAN]

BANK, OREGON

Gwen settled down on the bench of the graveyard, just contenting herself with the nature around her. The breeze was cool which took the edge off the balmy weather. She looked up toward the sun for a moment before crossing her arms and rubbing them to get rid of the cold chill.

"Bethany Bryann..." Gwen read on the stone, trying to keep herself from reacting to drastically. She still kept all the memories of her human host, Morgan Bryann...and it was painful to see her mother dead and gone from this world. As much as Gwen realized it wasn't her mother, it still felt that way. Flashes from the past-Morgan's past- sifted through her brain including birthdays and holidays. This Bethany had been a good just woman. It was hard to see her go even from her standpoint as an angel.

And now Gwen wondered what she should do now. The only relative her vessel had was now dead and therefore Gwen felt even more alone. She wasn't connected to anyone or anything and it bothered her down to her core. Slowly she laced her fingers together and rested her forehead on her folded hands, just praying.

Please...sisters...brothers...help me. Gwen called to her angel kin hoping at least one of them would respond to her.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Though Astrid walked among the Earth heaven’s presence was constantly around her. Reminding her of what had once been her home. It was a constant in the back of her mind and she could feel her brothers and sisters all around her. The tug of loneliness that overtook Astrid was overwhelming in a way that she only experienced when her family was involved, and the feeling completely enveloping her when one of the angels was walking on Earth. Closing her eyes Astrid tried to pinpoint a location of the powerful emotion. She found herself at the gates of a graveyard, the sun shining brightly despite the chill of the air and the sadness that swept over the area. Astrid surveyed her surroundings and sensing no danger stepped through the gates. At first she simply examined each tombstone, it was hauntingly beautiful, each carved with beautiful scripture and many surrounded in flowers from loved ones.

When she came across the angel Astrid felt tears sting her eyes both at the loneliness tumbling off of her and at the relief of seeing someone that bared resemblance to her connection to heaven. Stepping forward Astrid placed a gentle hand on the angels shoulder and leaned down and whispered her name softly.

“Gwen”

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt the loneliness dissipate, an almost calm gentleness consuming her. One of her sisters had answered her please. Astrid. The name entered her mind softly like a whisper and Gwen felt all the pain dissappear. One of them...had actually answered her. It was a joyous swell of emotions that rose up within her. She was not alone- never completely alone.

Gwen had doubted herself for a moment while praying for help. She had thought that perhaps she would never be welcome or loved in her siblings eyes again for falling.

"Sister." Gwen replied simply before standing up and rushing into Astrid's arms. It was a human comfort but one that Gwen needed. She hoped not to offend her sibling, since many angels did not understand such things but Gwen hoped it was a welcome comfort for Astrid too. She sighed, enjoying the moment, knowing that she was not alone in this.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Keeping herself open to them, Astrid felt the shift in the feelings surrounding her. There was relief, and joy and she felt lighter with her sister’s relief. For the moment she wasn’t sure whether Gwen was aware of her falling, but before she could dwell on it for long the other angel wrapped her arms around her in the very human gesture of a hug. Though Astrid was familiar with the action, she had never really experienced one before, seeing as she had been alone for so long, and the gesture was comforting and very slowly she brought her arms up to wrap around her sisters. She enjoyed the contact, of another person and wrapped her arms just a little more tightly for a moment.

“It has been too long, sister”

Astrid pulls away and steps back slightly so that they can speak properly. The presence of another angel’s grace is almost overwhelming, so she had to take a moment before continuing. There were times when she truly missed heaven and her family.

“I heard your prayers, what is it that you need? I will help in any way that I can”

[GWEN MORGAN]

It was nice to be in the embrace of one of her sisters. It had been far too long since Gwen had interactions with them much less affection and despite how human-like this gesture was the same message was conveyed through it.

She felt a wave of contentment travel through her very essence and knew that the affection was returned. It brought a smile to her face.

"Far too long indeed, sister." Gwen smiled as they pulled back so they could see each other more clearly. "I only wished to see one of my siblings." She admitted, a little embarrassed by that fact. "It has been a long time since I have had the company of our kin." Now Gwen felt a little foolish- perhaps Astrid had been on some important task or hunt and she had distracted her. "My deepest apologies, sister. I just... felt lonely..." She admitted in a whisper.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid gazed at her sister with complete trust and affection. Gwen ducked her head and admitted that she had been feeling the same absence of their kin just as Astrid had. Offering a small smile to her sister Astrid felt a sense of belonging that she hadn’t felt in some time. Not since falling.

“I must admit I have been quite lonely myself. It has been a long time since I have had any sort of companionship and I was a bit overwhelmed at hearing your call. To be honest I was unsure of what your reaction would be to my response. Some of the other angels disapprove of the situation I have placed myself in”

Astrid turned away this time. It had not been her choice to fall; surely most of the garrison did not have a good impression of her anymore. The ache in her heart rose again, if Gwen did not know of her choices it was possible she would also hold judgment. Astrid had a feeling of hope resting deep within her that was telling her that this may not be the case with Gwen. Perhaps she could gain a companion to call upon through all of this. They were both in need of their own family and Astrid thought perhaps they had more in common then either of them really knew.

[GWEN MORGAN]

"I fell in love with a human," Gwen blurted out, flushing instantly. It was a grave crime indeed for their kind but hearing Astrid tell her that she had done something of the sort prompted her to admit that. She was still ashamed of it to this day- especially considering what James turned out to be. Thoughts of him still haunted her. Humans were capalbe of great evil... even though she believed in her heart that humanity was mostly good.

"Ihave fallen twice. They will never accept me home again," Gwen crossed her arms, almost hugging herself as if to banish away those thoughts. Never coming home again was a fate almost worse than death, but she had to carry on for all those who were counting on her. "This time...I came to help save humanity."

Gwen felt uncomfortable in her skin now. Would her sister reject her? Would she comfort her? Where they in the same position?

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid felt her heart break for her sister as she seemed to shrink into herself at her admittance. Astrid had been through too much to pass any sort of judgment on her sister. At the pained look that crossed Gwen’s face she also suspected that the human she had fallen for had left her in state of pain. Astrid reached out and took Gwen’s hand so her arms uncrossed and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Just maybe, she could have not only a sibling, but also a friend with this angel who had also had to give up so much.
“I am no longer welcome home either; I fell because I spoke out against our garrison and questioned my orders and decided not to proceed with them. My connections to heaven were severed and I was given a human vessel.”
Astrid felt a comfort in the fact that she could freely admit this to another angel. One who was also struggling with the loneliness and guilt that came with falling. Astrid couldn’t help but hope that this wouldn’t be a onetime meeting. She wanted to know more about Gwen, and what purpose she served on Earth.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt relief engulf her almost instantly, and she had to keep herself from showing too much of it. She was still attempting to soften her emotions so that when she was in the presence of other angels she could not seem so strange. Emotions ran freely through her just like they did with humans and sometimes Gwen wondered if continuing her path as an angel was the right course.

"I...I am falling into the same pattern, sister." Gwen finally admitted, becoming more comfortable around Astrid. She wasn't afraid of being judged but she was afraid of the new blossoming feelings she felt. "Another man has...stolen my heart." Gwen felt her cheeks warm up, a blush dusting them as she spoke these words aloud. It was almost good to let her feelings out, though her heart was still afraid of rejection. Gwen smiled softly, almost timidly at her own thoughts.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

The air around Astrid changed as she felt Gwen's mood shift to one of more comfort. It also made her feel a lot more comfortable. Sometimes feeling others emotions so strongly was overwhelming, but often times it was a useful tool. Still, she enjoyed when the air around her was light and comfortable, and if the situation called for it she could easily guard herself from emotions. For now she kept her guard down, enjoying being able to connect with her sibling like this. At the admission though she tilted her head to the side.

"I am still getting used to various human emotions and I do not have much experience with love"

She bit her lip, a very human gesture that often showed itself as a nervous habit, she did not want to seem foolish.

"Who is the human that has your affections? If I may ask of course"

She was genuinely interested, wanting to know more about Gwen and her time here on Earth. She would not be judgmental, she had often observed people in love and had always been curious about the emotion.

[GWEN MORGAN]

"I...you probably have heard of him." Gwen shifted from one foot to the other, nervously. She was still calm, knowing Astrid would still accept her and not judge her actions but it still was something that was hard to admit. "I am in love with the hunter Dean Winchester,"

She felt her heart pound erratically in her chest, cheeks turning red just at mentioning his name. Gwen was able to resist his flirtations and treat her feelings as merely friendly affection when around him but when she was alone or with someone she could trust such as her sibling before her Gwen knew the truth. As much as she tried to hide it, it was a strong blossoming love that threatened to envelope her.

"I...know he has a noble heart. But I am frightened still." It was slight but the fear in her heart made Gwen uneasy. "The first man I loved rejected the Lord and turned his back on goodness. He has joined the side of..." Gwen couldn't even utter their names. She felt too afraid of them and what could happen.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid could tell her sister was nervous and she smiled when she shifted from one foot too the other. It was another nervous human gesture that made her feel much more comfortable. Astrid though that maybe if they could keep this up they could possibly be friends. And she really needed a friend. When Gwen said a little more about the previous human she had fallen for Astrid felt heart ache, she felt very empathetic towards her sister, and it angered her that someone had obviously hurt her.

She seemed unsure about Dean Winchester, she knew why her sister would be hesitant but she herself did not know much about love or the Winchesters so she wasn't sure how she could be of comfort. Perhaps asking her about it could bring more of an understanding between them.

"The Winchesters, I have heard of them. Though I myself have not encountered them so far. Does this man, Dean, return the feelings?"

[GWEN MORGAN]

"I wish for him too..." Gwen started out, trying not to overthink the situation. "He cares, at least. Overprotective when we go on hunts. Always looking out for me...but..." She hugged herself, rubbing her arms because of the cold chill of the wind. "I don't think he loves me, no."

Sadness engulfed her like a storm and she had to force herself to keep most of it at bay because tears were starting to form in her eyes. She tried smiling still, despite the deperation that tore up her heart. "I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I...I am satisfied watching him from afar and loving him."

That wasn't the complete truth-no. It hurt everytime Dean looked at another woman but Shiloh had made the comment that Dean had started to stop his promiscuous ways. That he had stopped staring at all the lovey ladies around him and had started paying attention to her. Her heart wanted that belief but her mind didn't want to fall into the same trap all over again.

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid felt sadness push over her like a wave and she stepped forward instantly reaching to place a comforting hand on Gwen's shoulder. She wasn't used to having such close conversations with someone else, usually only speaking for business purposes, but she finds that maybe she needs to talk just as much as maybe Gwen needs too. It's comforting and so human that Astrid feels her own eyes sting with tears and she blinked quickly not wanting to cry. That was also something she was not accustomed to doing.

"How will you ever know if you do not ask him?"

She wants her sister to be happy. Of course she does, she wishes for all of heaven to find the joy it once had. Before Lucifer fell, when everything was forming and the world was new. Astrid found herself swallowing, trying to keep the emotions down. This was all so new to her, and part of her felt a prickle of fear and wanted to fly off on her own and avoid all of this, but the stronger part of her wanted to stay, and not let go of the presence or someone else. Astrid was really tired of being alone.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt the tears welling up in her eyes fall down her cheeks. She shook her head before letting her gaze meet Astrid's again. Gwen couldn't smile- a grimace, or a sad frown taking it's place as she struggled not to sob. After a moment of composing herself she swallowed her sadness down so she could respond.

"I'm afraid," Gwen admitted, her voice cracking and then quivering as she admitted her deepest fears. "I'm afraid he will reject me....or what if he loves me? He...he isn't the type to say such things but if he does...then what if something happens?"

Her mind raced through all the possiblities, distracting her from her sadness but not offering her any hope either. "I do not wish to cause him pain and I do not want to feel the pain I felt ever again. I can't take it."