Still Wonder [OPEN]

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] Seriously, of all the timing. Ben stalked over to the door and yanked it open for the room service guy to wheel in the cart. "Just set it all on the table." The order came out crisp and easy, natural in a way that betrayed his real roots. You don't learn to treat being served as your right and due if it hasn't been modeled for you young. As soon as the plates hit the table Ben took the folder and scrawled something across it, grossly overtipping just because the waiter had managed not to stare or get that 'Holy shit, real faggots!' look on his face. As soon as the door closed behind the water Ben was moving toward Alex on the bed, not even remotely willing to let things drop where they had. He got up onto the bed, kneeling straddling Alex's thighs and finally sliding his hands into the selkie's hair. He disordered those too-smooth waves, messed up the part and pulled Alex's hair up into the loose imperfect no-style that it was supposed to be. He laced his hands together at the back of Alex's head, using his thumbs to try to lift the selkie's chin to look at him. "You're going to come back to me. I'll give you back the skin, and then I'll drive you to the beach and watch you go. But you're going to come back, even if it's only to tell me that the ocean's too much and you're leaving for good. Don't leave me sitting there waiting. Promise me." It was not a request.

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro felt himself pushed back lightly, feeling the almost-weight of Ben just on top of him. It was like he was in one of those crazy dreams he had ever since he left him. Like this wasn’t real-it was all too good to be true. “I won’t leave you, I promise.” It wasn’t exactly what Ben had asked him to promise. He was giving him a shot at true freedom but now that Alex had tasted just a bit of this love between them he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away.

His whole body relaxed as the tension faded. His knee stopped bobbing up and down as it had moments before and the sigh of relief barely left his lips before he was smiling brightly again. It still was a gentle, soft sort of smile but it was as wide and excited as his smiles got when he was truly happy.

“I love you.” The words came out before he had a chance to really think about it but in a way, it was the best way they could have emerged. It was just pure, true feeling that was guiding him on and this time saying it felt right instead of rushed as he tried to defend himself. Alex had to suppress a shiver of pleasure, enjoying the other man’s touch. The touch was so strong, and yet it was like he was holding back for the moment to make sure everything was okay. Alex practically melted.

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] "Damned right you do." And that sounded nothing but smug, but half a second later Ben was kissing Alex with all the hunger and desperate want that had built up in this time. And also the love. The fear. The hurt. The relief. The joy. Everything that had been in him for months and that he was never going to be able to say in words. Whatever 'I love yous' Alex was going to get, however he was going to know that he was the bright spot around which Ben's whole world revolved, it wasn't ever going to be by Ben telling him so. It was going to be kisses like this and the urgent gentleness of Ben's hands in his hair. It was going to be smiles that lasted half a second but were softer than anyone else would ever get from him, and maybe somewhere along the line there'd be a song or two with all the pronouns flopped over. But however stunted the ways that Ben was going to be able to express how much he loved his selkie, when he found something that worked he gave it his best. He kissed Alex over and over, barely a pause for breath between until it all turned into one forever moment of claiming and passion and so, so much love. And when it had to end, if only because oxygen had become a real and actual necessity and Ben needed to catch a few uninterupted breaths, he kept his hold on Alex's face, ran his thumbs across those soft and stubbled cheeks. "You'll come back," he backed up to what Alex had actually said first, it was still tremendously important but just not as important as that last quiet statement had been. "You'll come back, and I'll be there waiting. And we'll both have what we need."

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro almost fell back on the bed, wanting to get his breath back as well. In his human body he didn’t have the same endurance that he had as a seal with holding his breath. “Yes, I’ll come back.” He almost sighed in relief that all this had gone well despite their initial unease and tension. “When I’m gone I don’t want you taking any other lovers.” Alex added, a bit stubbornly. It was foolish to think Ben would do such a think but his jealousy was sparking up. Ben had had flings before and Alex just wanted to stake his claim right there. “I’m it from now on.”

"You'll have to take that coat from me as soon as I come to the surface, too. Do it when I first come up and am tired. That way I won't fight you for it." He flushed a bit, embarrassed by his own forwardness. “So, uh…go get your food. I’m a bit hungry too so…maybe we can…um talk and eat?” Alex was a bit uneasy still with how intimate they were getting. He loved the feeling but the first time had been in a fit of passion. And that fling he had with that other man was only after having some drinks and being half out of it. Alex wasn’t sure how to do all of this right.

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] Ben didn't climb up off of Alex right away. He stayed kneeling over him, looking down at the slighter man and thinking for a few seconds too long about how easy it would be to shove Alex back, get that stupid collared shirt off him and run his mouth over the smooth, hot skin beneath until his selkie forgot that he was nervous. It wouldn't take too long, he thought. At least it hadn't last time, and another wave of smug satisfaction came with the memory. But as he had every intention of wearing both of them out quite thoroughly before dawn and their endurance would be better if they ate, Ben contented himself with reaching down and sliding the knot out of Alex's tie, pulling it off him and dropping it to one side without any care where it landed. "As long as you're coming back, I'll wait. I know the difference between a fling and something that matters, even if it's been a while," (always) "since I tried it." He unbuttoned the top two buttons of Alex's shirt and traced his fingertip down over the skin of his throat, down into the hollow at the base of it and over the hard winged curve of the collarbone, but then he rolled up off the selkie and to his feet. "Fine. Food. But you eat too. I have plans, you can't be passing out on me."

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro felt the heat deep in his gut even with just those few little touches from Ben and wished he would stop being so irresitable even when he wasn't trying to be. He sighed, relieved, when Ben got off him, glad that it wasn't going to erupt into something before he was ready. It was silly, acting like some blushing virginal maiden but Alex really didn't want to screw this up. Or do it too soon before he was ready. They didn't need anymore drama from him leaving frightened and confused again. That would really mess things up.

"Um...do you have any extra clothes I could borrow?" The suit was getting very uncomfortable. It's stiff edges kept irritating his skin and it was way too much clothing. He wanted something light and airy that wouldn't make him feel like he was trapped in the latest straightjacket fashion. "My stuffs far from here." The motel he was staying at was on the other side of town, in fact. It was almost laughable. "...and it's a bit too much." He smiled but had a bit of warning to his smile as if to say he didn't want any smart remarks about being naked. Alex would prefer being clothed at this point.

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] Ben's mouth twisted off to one side as he resisted the urge to make some comment exactly along the lines of Alex being naked if he liked. In the end he refrained, sort of. "Yeah, I'll find you something. After all, melted cheese burns." He moved over to the suitcase and pulled out a pair of lightweight cotton pyjama pants and, after a moment's reluctance, a plain white undershirt. Shirtless would have been more fun, but he could play fair. For the time being. He handed the clean, rolled garments (like a lot of perpetual travelers, Ben rolled his clothes for packing instead of folding them, he found they got less wrinkled) and said, "All the toiletries are in the bathroom, use whatever you want." It wasn't like he was going to get hysterical about cooties, given what he intended. So that he wouldn't try and leer or peek through the keyhole or anything, Ben went over and sat at the table, started his sandwich. As happened sometimes, once he took the first bite he realized that he was starving and he had to exercise control to keep from wolfing it down in two minutes flat. Apparently laying yourself bare emotionally burned a lot of calories.

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro took the clothes and scampered into the bathroom. It wasn’t like Ben hadn’t seen him naked but still he found himself strangely embarrassed by all this. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror after changing his clothes, not really even caring about the suit he left crumpled on the floor. He hated being restricted and it was his least favorite outfit anyway so he could care less if it got a little banged up. He washed his face, roughing his hair a bit so that it was its normally slightly messy do. A deep breath and Alex left the bathroom to join Ben at the table to eat.

“How’s your sandwich?” He asked, as he opened the box to the pizza. It was surprising how much he could eat when he was hungry. Although he hate slow and steady the whole pizza would eventually be gone. Alex took a sip of his diet coke and smiled. “Um…so what have you been doing these past months? Just the usual gigs?” Alex really didn’t want to ruin the mood or anything but he really was curious about what Ben did after he left.

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] Grinning as he dragged a french fry throughy the dollop of mayo he'd put on the edge of his plate, Ben said, "Tastes like a club sandwich. Nice thing about 'em, you can find one anywhere and even the worst one on earth is still turkey, bacon, and cheese on white bread. Hard to be offensive." He could be adventurous with food. Just not in the sticks. "And it's been the usual. I'm heading to the studio soon, still deciding whether it'll be Cali or Georgia. Better studios out west, better house musicians back east." He shrugged, suspecting that he'd end up in California now because then Alex could have quick access to the beach. He'd get some rundown apartment with beach access north of L.A. and call it a working holiday of a sort. "Been writing a lot, misery makes me prolific." It wasn't said in any accusing spirit, just a statement of fact. Nothing made Ben's musical muse perk up like getting his heart broken. He took a swallow of orange juice and said, half-idly, "I keep running into hunters. I think Dallas has a big mouth, ever since I smuggled him out of Michigan in my trunk hunters pop up when they need a cover story or a place to go to ground for a few days. I ever get back to Arizona I think I'll torch his ranch." No he wouldn't, not in a million years. The cranky, emotionally ruined hunter was the closest thing to a best friend that Ben had.

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Somewhere deep down the comment hurt. But Alex knew he didn't mean it like that so he tried brushing it off quickly and keeping the uncomfortable churning in his stomach down. He wondered to himself if Ben ever wrote songs when he was happy and deeply in love...

"A hunter?" Alex didn't like hunters. The ones he tended to had run-ins with killed first and then thought about it later. He wasn't very fond of their attitudes toward the supernatural. If they could understand him, he might think differently but they always made him nervous. His skin prickled and he got uncomfortable with the idea, shifting as if to shield himself. Which reminded him... "There was rumors going around about a hunter that's turned against the rest of 'em." Although he didn't like hunters very much, Dallas was Ben's friend so he might as well warn him. "He's killed a lot of them." He had seen his face. A very cold dark looking man despite the charming smile he sported in the bar across the way from where Alex had been sitting. "I don't know his name but he pretends to need help and then gets them somewhere and kills them." It was times like these that Alex was especially grateful he was neither a hunter nor a mortal.

He finished his pizza before Ben had even gotten half-way through his club, but kept his diet soda at hand not wanting to waste it. He savored the almost tangy aftertaste it produced after each sip. A weird thing to like but Alex tended to like more unusual aspects of life. "I saw my sister. She lost her pelt a couple times but on purpose...she likes having flings and stuff. She's a lot older than me." As long as they were talking about people close to them Alex figured he'd throw his two-cents into the conversation.

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] Ben shook his head. "Yeah, Dallas has been hunting for years. He's--he took it up when he lost his girl and daughter. He's how I knew it wasn't all bullshit, he taught me the basics. Salt, hex bags, that kind of stuff. If you've ever paid attention, the truck's got silver and cold iron under the floor mats, there's bags of sea salt under the driver's seat. I don't hunt, don't want to, don't think I could do it. But I move through a lot of back roads, so I picked up the minimum I needed to survive." Unspoken was the obvious truth that Ben had gotten a lot more interested after Alex came into his life. He wiped his hands with a napkin, picked up the juice again. "I'll warn him about that rogue hunter, though. He can take care of himself, usually, but I'll pass it along." When Alex mentioned his sister Ben smiled a bit. "I didn't know you had a sister. You enjoy visiting with her?"

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro shifted in his seat, trying to hide most of his discomfort. "If any of those hunters come by I might make myself scarce. I have nothing against them but I've met some fairly mean ones in the past so I don't trust them either." He shrugged, as if to say he didn't mean anything by it but he didn't like it all the same. Lives were important and as many of any kind of creature that was usually good should be saved, including humans, but Alex couldn't curb his distrust.

"Yes. I have many brothers and sisters. Humans would call them half-brothers and half-sisters but it is all the same to me. We all come from the same mother. She was very...wild in her youth and eventually got burned by the man she loved." Alex smiled a bit, "She was very upset knowing I disobeyed her words of warning about the shore." A nervous nelly. His mother worried and stressed about everything just because that one occurence. His other siblings and others of their kind just ignored her but Alex had been diligent to her lessons...for most of his life. anyhow.

"Make any new songs that the fans are raving about?" He was always curious about which songs Ben's fans liked the most. Though they were all good and spoke to him just as many others, Alex wanted to know the ones that happened to reach out more to the emotions than the rest."

[BEN CREWE]

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[atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 0px 15px; color: #342403;] A slow nod as Alex talked about his family, Ben watching him with a curious tilt to his chin and staying silent a moment after Alex had finished speaking before getting a wry smile on his face and saying, "This is one of those things I'm just not gonna understand, isn't it?" He sounded amused by that rather than distressed; Ben was willing to accept that in some ways, even maybe most ways, Alex was far beyond him and there would always be things he couldn't comprehend. He was only a man. But he did make a mental note to ask more about Alex's family another time, to try to understand as best he could. They weren't ever going to play 'take you home to meet the parents', but eventually if things worked out Alex would meet Ben's sister and probably his parents, and he'd like to at least do Alex the courtesy of being capable of dealing with his family too. He finished the last bite of his sandwich and pushed the rest of the chips away, settling back in his chair and tucking a knee up casually as he watched Alex with the bottle of orange juice dangling from one hand. "Yeah, there's a couple of new ones. The one gettin' the most air time right now is called 'Missing Your Love'." He managed, just barely, not to wince as he named it. The song was a blues ballad, softer than most of Ben's songs and closer to a pop sound than he usually allowed. But its worst sin was that it was straight-up about Alex, every bit. He'd flipped the pronouns, the lyrics talked about 'you and him', but it was entirely about the love triangle of Ben, Alex, and the sea. And more, Ben was perfectly sure that Alex would know that as soon as he heard it, it was too obvious. This is the embarrassing part of putting your actual heart into your art, everybody who actually knows it can hear your real hurts and joys right out there in the open. No masks can really hide you from that. Trying to keep it casual, but aware that there was a heat across the tops of his cheeks to indicate that he might, actually and in fact, and he would deny this until the day he died, be blushing, Ben said, "It's a ballad, those always go over big. But it's what tipped the scales on the label giving me the next album, so that's good."

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[ALEJANDRO SANCHEZ]

Alejandro laughed, “I don’t think so. It’s…different from how humans do things. But just think of it as feeling as same as a human family. We all take care of each other and even though there are a lot of us we all know each other as well. Very tight-knit.” He let out a small chuckle. “How…how has your family been?” Alex didn’t want to be impolite and he really was curious about them.

Missing Your Love? It was like Alex was the bulls eye and someone had just punched him to the ground. His mind instantly realized it was about him and he had to fight back the urge to either blush and stutter in his embarrassment or be smug at the fact that he got his own song. That the man he loved wrote him a song. Alex wondered what it sounded like and had to hold back the urge to beg to hear it. “Would you…ever sing it to me?” He asked softly, trying to show his interest but not wanting to push it. Sometimes these sorts of things were more complicated than they appeared to be.

Just a simple blush on Ben’s cheeks and Alex could feel pride. Maybe it was just a silly little victory but it meant that he had some sway over the other man as well. Ben was affected by him just the same way Alex was for the bluesman. A silly thought, maybe not even really important, but Alex cherished it because Ben always acted so confident when it came to matters of sex so to see him affected in a different way- to see his heart laid bare just a little bit- warmed Alex’s heart.

[BEN CREWE]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6e7174 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/ben02back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.7; filter:alpha(opacity=70); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] There was the temptation to refuse, or to get all cocky and claim that Alex could hear it the first time on stage. But Ben didn't for a couple of reasons. One was the possibility that the song might piss Alex off; he didn't tend to pull punches in his lyrics. The other was the vision, all too plausible, of being in a club somewhere and Alex out in the audience when he played it for the first time and the selkie walking away rather than deal with the conversation afterward. So, "Yeah. I'll pull out the Selmer and play it for you when you want to hear it." That way if it caused a fight, which he wasn't actually sure whether it would or wouldn't, at least they could fight it out in private. Ben was still a little blown away by the fact that he and Alex weren't fighting like cats and dogs. Never mind that the shouting was how he'd fallen in love with the selkie (as opposed to just wanting to possess him, which at this point Ben could admit to himself was what had been going on at the start), there was something nice about being able to just sit, talk. Act like a couple. He was still fully intending to pin Alex down and do things to him until they were both blissed-out and totally exhausted, but he could admit that there was some honest pleasure in just hanging out, chatting. And so he asked, "How's the reporting gig? You like it?" And he didn't even start in on how Alex would have to quit it nd follow him around on his circuit, any of that. They could figure that out together, honestly together, and tonight Ben was even warmed by that idea.

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