Who Am I To Stand Before You? (Castiel)

[GWEN MORGAN]

CLEVELAND, OHIO

Gwen pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail. She had to look her best though she knew from experience that sort of thing didn't impress other angels. She just... needed to do it for herself, to gain some confidence. Gwen looked at herself one last time in the mirror, checking to make sure that she didn't have anything on her face or that last night's little hunt hadn't left any bruises. Perfect. Another deep breath and she was ready to go, practically skipping out of her motel room. She locked the door and made sure her motorcycle was still locked up and in place parked in front of the room. After checking to make sure everything was in it's proper place Gwen smiled and started running down the street with a spring in her step. It was knowledge of the Winchester brothers and of Castiel and their desire to stop the apocalypse that had prompted Gwen to leave Heaven again. They were the reason that those evil ones with power hadn't won yet. They were an inspiration to all- even those who didn't wish to admit it.

Gwen knew the Winchester boys were in the area- that's how she was able to track down Castiel so easily. One helpful tip from Dean later and here she was ready to meet her hero.

Another few steps and she looked around. Castiel was a higher level angel then she was- he'd be able to sense that she was after him, or at least that someone had been following him the last few days. "Castiel? Please, I need to speak with you." She called out after checking to make sure the streets were empty and deserted. Gwen waited patiently, hoping that Castiel would come.

[CASTIEL]

Castiel was not too busy at the moment. Well, waiting on the boys to need his assistance. Still, he was taking orders from Heaven as well. So, maybe he was…busy. With one of the Hell’s Gates having been flung open, he was trying to help clean up the mess. The angel had been trying to track down, exorcize, and even kill as many demons as possible. The fewer demons that were running around Earth, the better it was, for everybody. This was no easy task though and Castiel was juggling several jobs at once.

All of this…All these signs leading to the “End of Days” was ‘running him ragged’, or something similar, like Dean or Sam would say. Castiel had just been a run in with a particular feisty demon and then he felt a twinge in the back of his head. He blinked, staring over the corpse of the human the demon had infested just moments before. The angel looked down at himself; his vessel’s clothes were coated in bits of dirt and blood. Castiel ran his fingers through his dusty hair as the twinge in his head pinged again. He was being paged…but it wasn’t by the Winchesters.

A familiar frown crossed his face and he said a small prayer for the soul of the human the demon had killed. One instant he was there, beside the corpse, the next moment he appeared at the side of a road a few yards away from where Gwen was. There was the sound of large wings and he seemed to appear out of thin air. He looked over at Gwen. Was this the person that had been tracking him and the boys down? His expression was one of intense seriousness, as if it was permanently ingrained onto his face.
“Speak to me about what?” he asked, breaking the silence shortly after his appearance.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt a change in the air around her and then there Castiel was, asking what she wanted to speak to him about. She almost couldn't reply, it was as if all her hopes to meet her hero weren't even as amazing as seeing him herself. He was stoic, as most angels were and Gwen had to hid the slight feeling of shame she had at being so overly-emotional all the time. Tall, strong, and proud. Those were the words Gwen would pick for Castiel-looking up at him with reverence.

"Castiel," Gwen nodded her head in a sort of bowing motion to show respect, not wanting to give him an actual bow because she would only reserve that for the Lord. She still wanted to show him respect though. "Thank you for coming to speak to me." Gwen almost felt overwhelmed but tried to remain as calm as possible.

"I want to help you. You and the Winchester boys, specifically. I've had my run-ins with them on many occassions and since I can't go back to Heaven..." She had to keep herself from grimacing. Gwen had been down on Earth for so long it was hard to refrain from such easy emotions and reactions. "...I wish to be useful to the three of you. Please let me help you." Even if Castiel tried refusing her offer, Gwen was determined. She had to do something to help them stop the apocolypse and to find God. She wouldn't be able to live with herself otherwise.

[CASTIEL]

Castiel’s eyes blinked as he watched Gwen. She was acting a bit…strange. He gave the smallest of changes to his facial expression. The edges of his lips bairly moved a millimeter downward, but downward they did move. His eyebrows twitched as he looked at her while she…studied him. The other angel turned his head further to her direction as he waited for her to answer his question.

Whilt this angel was not used to making or showing emotion, he was going through several of them right now. First he was concerned, and now he was…confused. Yes, he was Castiel. So why was saying his name? He chose to get past that and hoped that she would dive into the issue at hand. He blinked again, keeping his arms at his sides as she spoke once more. He wasn’t sure how to react to her…bow. His face flickered briefly with his confusion, his head tilting ever so slightly as he watched her perform the gesture.

“Yes, well, I deemed this is important,” he said gruffly as his uncomfortable feelings started to grow.
Help? He frowned almost fully now. He didn’t know much about Gwen. He had not met her before. It took quite some time for him to trust somebody in full. He had been with Uriel for…ages, and he still gained that something was…off about the angel. Castiel couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was some little voice of doubt that whispered to him about his ‘friend’.

“I doubt sense you have removed yourself with Heaven, that they would be quite happy with your decision. I don’t believe that they would allow me to let that occur,” he said after a second of silence between them.
It wasn’t that he didn’t really want help. Those two were…a handful, and he had several missions on the side as well. Castiel stiffened slightly, wondering how she would react. Surely she might of thought of that…that Heaven would not be happy at all with a…rogue, running with him and the Winchesters.

Were her intentions good?

“What made you leave Heaven? Surely you know that at some point, the Host will come after you.” he asked, curious.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen immediately flushed, and almost cursed herself afterwards for the lack of self-control. She was an angel and despite her tendency now to human reactions after having lived with them for so long... it was still embarrassing to display such lack of control in front of another angel. Especially in front of Castiel.

"I disobeyed orders and fell in love with a human," Gwen admitted, wincing. "I repented, however and they let me come back." She swallowed down her nerves the best she could. "I did my time."

"The reason I came down this time is because I wanted to help. I couldn't just stand by and let the apocalypse happen when I could possibly do something. That's.... the main reason why I searched you and the Winchester boys out. I wish to make up for my past mistakes even more so and keep...keep the end from occuring." She had to force herself to keep the quiver from her voice. "I've seen many die from what is occuring and I can't sit back and watch it happen."

[CASTIEL]

Castiel blinked a little as he slowly noticed her face turning red. Was her vessel sick? He didn’t understand that she was embarrassed, not yet anyway. He frowned further as he listed to her story. That was certainly a good reason to leave Heaven. Such actions had long ago been forbidden. A few angels had been killed for such behavior. It wasn’t that being on Earth would keep her safe forever...

Her history made him even more wary. She had already had sinned, greatly, against Heaven, and she wanted to help him, but would her past history come back to haunt her? Would his decision to accept her assistance backfire on him? She had good intentions; he could see that, but what was the right move to make here?

He felt sympathy toward this sibling. He had heard horror stories about Heaven’s ‘methods of persuasion’. He didn’t need to know anything other than that. The end…it made him grimace a little bit to hear it. He was doing all he could to prevent that from happening. Castiel took a deep breath and slowly let it out, nodding slightly as he thought.

“I understand,” he said softly, though he still wasn’t sure on what to do just yet.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt relief overcome her and she almost fell to her knees, but contained herself yet again. Flushing and showing emotion was embarrassing enough to do in front of her hero but collapsing with relief would be even more humiliating. She took a deep breath, calming her heart down and making sure she could answer rationally and calmly. Fairly soon Gwen was able to put the mask of calm back on and give Castiel a nonchalant, all-business expression.

"I will do whatever you ask, without question," Gwen asserted, trying not to fidget. She pushed the rest of her nerves down. That wasn't important right now. What was important was that Castiel wasn't rejecting her plea to help them. Gwen felt a little excitement at that. He hadn't exactly jumped for joy but she wasn't expecting that. Not many of the angels she knew or had known respected her anymore- for the most part she was avoided like she had the plague.

[CASTIEL]

Was he doing the right thing? Would Uriel be furious with him? Or would Uriel support this? He wasn’t sure. Castiel had a strong suspicion that Uriel would not approve of this, but for some reason…Cas was going against his urge to ask permission. He pondered at his own reasons behind this and it confused him even further. Was he making a mistake? Would there be retribution for this later on? Oh he was taking a risk, but something inside of him was…excited, no, proud…well maybe he was feeling both. Surely Uriel would be fine with it…He wasn’t taking too much of a step out of line.

Castiel was walking a fine and dangerous line and he knew it. Maybe this was the tipping point. No. He knew that his role, his purpose, was still with Heaven and stopping the possible Apocalypse. If that was her intention as well, everything would be fine. Or was he just telling himself that? Even though his face still held its statuesque expression, there was an inner turmoil swimming in his gut. Castiel gave a small nod to Gwen as she spoke. Castiel rarely dished out punishment for misdeeds, but he would do so if need be. He presumed that she knew that, as she seemed to know of him.

“Good,” was all he said, breaking the lingering silence between them. He shifted a little. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do with her yet, well, tell her what to do at the moment. “Depending on how things sway…there may be no time for questions. This war…is intensifying on both fronts. ”
He felt awkward about telling her the little details about what his role was right now, so he was going to break that in slowly. He fiddled with is pockets, squeezing on his cell phone like a security blanket.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen had heard of Castiel for as long as she could remember. He was devout and followed the will of God and the higher angels. He was full of goodness and his desire to save the Earth and humanity from the end of times was admirable and heroic. He was being merciful taking her in, considering what she had done in the past. It humbled her that he considered her offer worth the risk he was taking. Gwen was going to prove that this risk was one that was worth it and she wouldn’t disappoint him.

It was strange being in the presence of her hero. Wonderful, yes, because being able to talk to him had been a dream of hers since she first heard of his deeds and virtue. But also surreal as if she had stepped into the twilight zone- a place full of quirks and not normal in the slightest. Gwen shook herself of those thoughts, eager to please.

“Just tell me what to do,”

[CASTIEL]

She was…adamant about doing her job, which was good. Once they got started…well she was going to be busy too. Still, she had caught him several versions of off guard. He had not expected this whatsoever and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, or what to have her do for that matter. She was ready to go, already, but he didn’t even have any extra tasks yet. Cas thought for a moment and the silence between them started to hang in the air. Had it of been two humans, this situation would have been…very uncomfortable for them.

Still, that was not the case. He was used to long silences. It was the whole ‘interaction’ thing that made him feel awkward. He shifted and finally let go of his cell phone. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and lightly rocked on his heels for a bit while he pondered. He personally wanted to help the boys and they were left in his charge. Also, he was becoming quite…fond of them. Annoying as they could be, there was something about the Winchesters that he liked.

“There are other hunters. With one of the Hells’ Gates been open, there are multitudes of demons around. We will certainly need help with vanquishing them. The Hunters may not believe you at first, but they do need our help.” he finally stated.

The human race was going to need all the help it could get.
“I don’t have any specific hunters of interest, or any other jobs yet. I have not received word from my commander in a while. I am waiting on him to contact me.”
He had no idea when Uriel would get back to him.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen had to force herself to relax. She used to have experience with long silences and had been at peace with them when she had been up at Heaven and even for the first few years of living down on earth. Silence didn’t bother her then. Now it perturbed her slightly. On a hunt, too much silence was a sign that things were going to go wrong very quickly. She had to resist the urge of taking a calming breath and kept her gaze as nonchalant as possible. Gwen wasn’t about to humiliate herself in front of her hero.

“Do you want me to wait with you?” Gwen couldn’t help tilting her head to the side curiously. “Or should I continue hunting on my own and wait for you to call for me?” Either way she didn’t mind. On the one hand Gwen could continue to take care of small batches of supernatural creatures that were still bothering and hurting humans (other than the demons) and on the other she was able to do Castiel’s wishes.

[CASTIEL]

Castiel was surprised with himself as he felt the face of his vessel’s move a little bit. His eyebrows lifted. Why were they so heavy? It seemed the human’s facial muscles felt like weights to him, maybe that was just another reason that he didn’t offer much physical signals. In reality it was mostly that he didn’t know how to properly respond. He couldn’t get things wrong if he didn’t use expressions, movement, and the sort.

He tilted his head a little bit as he pondered her question. It was certainly one that needed mulling over for a moment. Castiel could work fine by himself, but his vessel had rubbed off on him a little, along with running with the boys. He was starting to enjoy company. He convinced himself it would be better to keep an eye on her, so that he would not have to wrestle his doubts about her motives. But there was still that little social interaction aspect to it.

Still he wanted to offer her a choice, even angels deserved that option. Team Free Will was certainly starting to get to him, even if they hadn’t come up with that term yet. He adjusted his head back into a more normal position and looked back at Gwen, no longer staring off past her into space while he thought.
“Either option is beneficial to the cause,” he said.

It wasn’t really an answer, but it was all that he could think to give without putting some sort of pressure upon Gwen.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen felt practically light as a feather- her insides churning with delight. She had to keep down her excitement from showing all over her face again and it was a lot of effort. It used to be so hard to show emotion and now it was so hard to keep it all down trapped inside herself.

"I would be honored to stay with you," She wanted to add his name at the end but it was irrelevant so she kept herself from the urge. "I wish to learn more from you if possible as well," Gwen clenched and unclenched her fists, the only movement showing her excitement but the rest of hidden away.

She was surprised and pleasantly so that Castiel was accepting her and allowing her to follow him. Gwen expected more resistance-especially considering her past but this had been a relatively pain-free exchange. Her lips twitched wanting to grin but Gwen kept that down too.

[CASTIEL]

She was choosing to stay? It would be a lie if Castiel wasn’t pleased with her decision. He tilted his head slightly at her second part of her sentence though. What was there to learn, besides how to interact with humans? He could feel part of her excitement but he wasn’t sure why she was so happy. The whole situation here was just escaping him. It was he that would be learning from Gwen, Dean, and Sam right now. He really needed to learn about humans again.

The emotionally detached angel tilted his head back into its normal location. He swallowed, a bit nervously, as he could feel some of her emotion but he didn’t know how to properly respond. This happened to him a lot and it caused him great internal turmoil and frustration when it did happen. He hoped that with time his skills with reading humans, understanding them, and being able to react in a proper fashion. Still, he would have to wait.

So now he had an angel under his charge. He had experience with that in his garrison, but it had been a while. Castiel was usually the subordinate, not the leader. Well, he helped lead the Winchesters, but he didn’t see that as leading. With the brothers, he saw it as pushing them in the right direction. He didn’t lead, Castiel was more of a person to help guide. This situation was getting even more uncomfortable and nerve racking by the moment.

“I think that it is I that shall be learning from you,” he said gruffly, frowning a little in thought.

[GWEN MORGAN]

Gwen was hit by momentary confusion, her eyes bright with it as she stumbled to get her emotions and feeling back in check. She had to stop herself from fumbling as she grasped what he said. "Why..." She swallowed down her flustered confusion and cleared her throat.

"Why would you learn from me?" Gwen almost tilted her head to the side, lacing her fingers together to keep from doing anything similar to fidgeting.

It was rather strange, after all. Gwen, other then when she was on her own or doing occassional group hunts, strove to learn from others and follow their example. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea that her hero was wanting to learn something from her. "And, what would you want to know?" Gwen added as an afterthought to give Castiel plenty of ways to explain what he meant.