I can see you crystal clear (Astrid/Castiel)

[ASTRID NIGHT]

Breckenridge, Colorado

The air was frosty and cold, the kind of cold that is bone chilling and leaves the teeth chattering. The snow was falling in blankets over the small Colorado town and the mountains stood tall and mighty in the background. Breckenridge was painted in snow and Christmas lights were wrapped around the tree's and outlining roofs of houses making it look almost like some sort of winter wonderland. People were shuffling quickly through the snow, making their way to their next destination, their scarves tucked tightly around their necks.

Astrid was not usually a fan of snow, for the most part she considered it too wet and uncomfortable and it almost seemed to get into her shoes making her feet cold and sore. Right now however, she could really appreciate it. The snow outside was new and mostly untouched, it was falling quickly from the sky, and descending down over everything in it's path. Astrid pulled her white winter jacket a little more tightly around her but keeping her head up in order to appreciate the view. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her nose was a bit red from the snow. She was in Colorado for the purpose of solving a case, there had been call of strange activity taking place just outside of town and there had been a few out of the ordinary disappearances in the town. The angel had spent her day mostly conducting interviews with families and friends, plus she had taken a visit down to the local police station to question the sheriff. For now the snow had taken a turn for the extreme and it was too dangerous for her to be shuffling through the cold and dark forests. It was frustrating to be constricted for the night, but without her powers it would render her useless to be stranded in the snow.

She turned the corner at the next block intending on getting in the hotel she had booked a room at as quickly as possible. Astrid stepped through the doors of The Village Hotel and immediately was taken by the pleasant sensation of a rush of warmth enveloping her body. Her fingers which were previously numb tingled and she smiled at the feeling. Though she had been in this body for a good while now she still relished in the small enjoyable feelings that she experienced. The hotel was mostly for people visiting to indulge in various activities such as skiing and snowboarding, but it was located in a spot that made it convenient to move around the town, but it was close enough to the edge of town that it would be easy for her to slip back into the thick tree's and search the outskirts of town. Astrid was also pleased because her eyes were immediately drawn to a small cafe that was just beyond the front desk. For the most part Astrid was a coffee drinker, but the smell of hot chocolate drifting through the air was intoxicating and she found herself being drawn to the scent and she could almost feel the warm cup in her hands. When she approached the counter a young girl with kind eyes and a wide smile was there to take her order.

"May I get a hot chocolate?"

Astrid couldn't help but grin back at the girl's friendliness as she handed her the hot chocolate and she left her a fairly generous tip in the small tip jar and offered her a final nod of her head and one more tired smile before moving away from the counter.

After receiving her drink Astrid sat herself in a small leather chair that was near a fire in the sitting area. Though she could handle the cold, she was not a huge fan of it and she allowed herself to sit back and simply enjoy the comfort that the hotel had to offer. For now her senses were not on high alert and she allowed her focus to be swayed, she hardly noticed the people moving around her and she did not pay much attention to them. Astrid for the most part was hyper aware of what was going on around her, but for now she allowed herself to let her guard down just momentarily. Though she was not an angel anymore she still had strong senses that allowed her to have at least a bit of awareness about what was going on around her. Surely she would notice if there was anything out of the ordinary going on around her.

[CASTIEL]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6d7077 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/cas01back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.55; filter:alpha(opacity=55); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] Fifteen or twenty minutes after Astrid settled in with her hot chocolate, an odd conversation started up at the counter. "I do not want anything to drink." The man's voice was gravelly, rough, it sounded like it was low but actually wasn't, just the effect of that growl in it and the flatness of affect. "Sir, if you don't want anything, why are you in the line?" A beat. "I thought standing in line was customary." The young woman licked her lips, trying to stay polite with it. "You mean 'for customers'?" Castiel thought about that for a moment. "Possibly. What would you have of me?" Seeming to feel that they'd reached some sort of accord, the barista smiled again. "Well, what's your order?" "My orders? Those are not for one such as you to know." He scowled at her, the wrath of Heaven with just a touch of lost-and-confused. The smile faded. "Your order. Your drink order. Do you want coffee, or tea, or a mocha, or a macchiato...?" "Machiato?" He seemed to be sounding it out phonetically, the way one strings together syllables from a traveler's phrasebook of Mandarin. Either out of true misunderstanding or just a desperation to get this strange customer out of her hair, the girl asked, "Tall, Grande, or Venti? And plain, mocha, or caramel?" At this point it was blazingly obvious that the man in the trench coat was just repeating words at random. "Grande? Caramel?" "Sure thing!" There was a note of victory in the barista's voice. "That'll be three-eighty." Castiel blinked at her, but then pulled a hand out of his coat pocket. What he was holding was actually the business card of a pediatric dentist from Canton, Ohio, but when he held it up against the RFID reader the computer beeped happily and the girl seemed satisfied, especially when he pushed the button for a dollar tip. Two minutes later the Angel of Thursday was possessed of a paper cup full of steaming, frothy milk with caramel and espresso mixed in. Not knowing what else to do with it, he tried a sip. "This tastes like diabetes," he informed no one in particular, though a moment later he noticed Astrid for the first time and his eyes widened noticeably, flaring eerie blue. "You do not belong...anywhere." But he notably didn't pull out an angel blade or anything. Just stood there awkwardly, looming over her table and holding his cup. After a moment, he tried another sip. The taste was kind of growing on him.

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[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid was leaning back in her chair, the air felt calm for the most part, but there was a small subtle shift that she felt shift through the room and she opened her eyes wearily letting her gaze wander the room. There was a man at the counter and for now all she could make out was a mess of black hair and a rumpled trench coat. She sat up a bit more and straightened out keeping her gaze on him. This man was not human, at the moment though she couldn't figure out exactly what he was. Not wanting to cause a scene she sat still in her seat and watched his strange interactions with the barista. To her credit the young girl did not lose patience of the man, but Astrid had began idly tapping her fingers against her leg as she waited for the man to turn around.

As soon as she did she a rush of cold terror rush through her. This man was an angel, there was no doubt about that. When blue eyes met hazel she could see his grace shining through like a beacon of light. Astrid was a fallen angel, she had been cast out of heaven to spend her life wandering Earth as a human and there was no doubt that there would be punishments for her if one of the angels were to turn her in. Astrid tried to ignore the trembling in her hands and she ignored the urge to turn away. Astrid had rebelled, she had questioned her superiors and refused their demands when she found they were unjust and that was a high crime. Heaven's prison was worse than any punishment recieved in hell, she had never experienced it first hand but she had heard stories that were enough to make her weep. The fallen angel had to consider her options, she could either face him or she could run. Neither option seemed like a wise choice. He was an angel, if he were to decide to engage in a battle with her she would be hopeless. Of course she could fly, she could zap herself out of their but he would without a doubt be fast and he would be able to track her. If she were to face him and the situation escalated into a fight between the two of them it would be comparable to a human stepping on an ant. If this angel still retained his grace he was far more powerful than she, after all she was practically human.

At the angel's words she felt her chest constrict painfully. Astrid did not regret standing up for what she believed in, but she did regret that it had resulted in her falling. Heaven had been her home and not a moment went by where she did not miss it, she enjoyed Earth as well and the people on it but she was not one of them. Her knowledge of existence extended far beyond them and she had seen and done things they could not possibly dream of. Astrid had no place amongst the supernatural or the human world so it was not false when he said that she did not belong anywhere.

Astrid stood up and stepped closer to the angel, there was no hope for her getting away so she could at least try and access the situation and try and figure out exactly how much danger she was in. If he was going to drag her back to heaven she was going to go kicking and screaming. Even if she was no match for him she was not going to give up without a fight if that is what it came down too. She stopped when she was standing in front of him, he was a fair bit taller than her and his eyes were a shocking shade of blue and for a moment she found herself simply gazing up at him unsure of what to do or say.

"Why are you here?"

She kept her voice low, not wanting to draw attention to them. The few people who were in the cafe seemed to be paying no attention to them however so she allowed herself to focus just on the angel. Astrid held her ground and waited for a response. She considered now that maybe this was a bad idea, she should have turned and walked out when she had the chance, the moment she noticed a shift in the room. Astrid's hands were still shaking so she shoved them into her pockets, not wanting to show any traces of fear or weakness.

[CASTIEL]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6d7077 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/cas01back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.55; filter:alpha(opacity=55); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] Castiel frowned, not out of any particular anger or displeasure but just because all confusion went to frowning with him. He hadn't been in this vessel all that long and didn't entirely feel comfortable in his skin. Jimmy Novak had been a man who smiled easily, who was gentle and comforting to be around. The angel in his meat was neither gentle nor comforting and there was a fundamental disconnect between the two personalities that showed itself sometimes in the facial expressions and the awkwardness of Castiel's movements. Muscle memory tried to go one way, the angel's intentions went another, and it just ended up looking clumsy and odd. "I am here to investigate some demon activity." He looked down at Astrid, and there was a cramp of painful loss to think that she had rejected the family. She was so beautiful, not the body she wore--Castiel barely saw that, the meat wasn't what mattered to him--but her true face. She wore the stamp of their Father like a brand of gold, and the essential Good of her nature pressed into the world around her like radiant heat. He didn't know her, they had never worked together, but in another time he would have been proud to call her Sister. It wasn't another time, though, and so he held on to the sweet, rich coffee drink and looked down at her and said in that solemn way of his, "You should be elsewhere. This place is in trouble, and as I am here the eyes of the Host will be here as well." That wasn't what he was supposed to say or do. He was supposed to have slain her on the spot, or at the very least to have reported her to those who could hunt her down and return her to Heaven for punishment and possible reeducation. But Castiel was too near to his own 'retraining' to do that, at least not with the immediate and unthinking obedience that would have been there before. He was in the middle of his own crisis of conscience, and part of that was a need to consider his orders instead of carrying them out instantly. And so he watched her a moment longer, took a sip of his coffee because that's what you're supposed to do with a cup of coffee and though he opened his mouth to tell her again to leave before she got smited (smote? smitten?), what came out was, "Who are you?"

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[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid relaxed a bit but the tension still held her body straight and tight. She simply stared up at him, he hadn't acted yet and that confused her, she should have been killed on the spot. That is what any other angel would have done. Astrid pulled her hands out of her pocket and crossed her arms in front of her. Astrid was about the question his identity when he informed her of the demonic activity and she dropped her hands to her side in surprise and her eyes widened in response.

"Demons? I came into this town thinking this was a routine hunt. They must be covering their tracks because nothing I came across today seemed to be the work of demons"

Astrid was almost talking more to herself than the other angel. How could she have missed this? She turned her gaze away from him, biting her lip, a nervous habit that she seemed to have developed since falling. She closed her eyes and ran through each step she had taken that day, the interviews, the quick search, she was going to have to go back out tomorrow and try harder. She glanced back up at the blue eyed angel again, a frown etched into her features.

"I came here to help these people and I am not leaving until I am assured of their safety. I felt as if my vessel was to weak to withstand the blizzard but I will go back out in the morning to see what I can find"

Astrid lifted her head to look back up at the angel. She paused for a moment before lowering her voice once again and keeping eye contact with him to let him know that she really meant what she was saying. Of course she was fearful of the angels and what they would do to her, but her love for humanity and God's creation is what landed her in this position in the first place and she was not about to allow her sacrifice to go to waste. When the angel asked who she was Astrid was caught by surprise, of course she should have suspected he was curious, she was curious of the same thing. She kept her eyes locked with him and opened herself up a bit, she had closed herself off earlier but she wanted to try and get some sort of reading on him. At first she was not able to pick up much, but there was a small prickle of conflict that she was able to get a pull on. Astrid took a small unconscious step back from him and let out a soft sign. Wondering if he will have heard of her disobedience and the reasoning behind it.

"Astrid. My name is Astrid."

[CASTIEL]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6d7077 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/cas01back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.55; filter:alpha(opacity=55); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] Her statements didn't make any sense at first, it took him a moment of thinking and frowning to figure out what she was declaring. Once he worked out what her intention was the frown only deepened. "That's foolish. I told you, I am here to investigate the demonsign and kill the demon. Your presence is not necessary and you put yourself at risk by remaining." Risk from the rest of the Host, not from him. Which Castiel was trying not to think too much about. He was barely freed from his punishment and already he was disobeying. He should have slain this fallen Sister on sight, bad enough that he'd hesitated at all but that he was now basically declaring that he wouldn't report her was just another proof that he was no longer the soldier he had been. Castiel was becoming something else, something new, and it was spectacularly uncomfortable sometimes. When she told him her name he remembered her instantly. They had never worked together, she had no direct connection with his garrison. But he'd heard about her Fall, there had been a lot of talk about whether her direct superiors should have been more strict when she started showing signs of being overly attached to the humans. There were many who thought they should have been, that the moment she'd started stepping foot out of line she should have been brought back in. Harshly. It was, now that he thought about it, quite possibly one of the reasons he'd been yanked back home when he had. The thought made him edgier than he already had been, he took another sip of his coffee to keep himself from saying anything unfortunate. Once he was sure he had his mouth fully under his control he said, "You should go. Quickly, before anyone notices." Especially now that he was out of favor, they'd be watching. "In the morning, when your vessel will endure it, leave this place. Before you are found out." A pause, just barely short enough not to be awkward, and then he said, "They are not looking for you. Not actively, not at the moment. If you do not draw their attention to you it's possible to you will slip past their perception. They have," he searched for the human idiom, "bigger fish to fry at the moment." Why was he warning her? Castiel honestly had no idea. He was afraid it might be because he felt a kinship with this woman, which was a thought even more dangerous than wanting to hide her from the vengeance of the Host.

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[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid let her head fall and she looked down at her feet for a moment. As much as she didn't want to abandon her own duties she knew that he was right. For whatever reason he was not turning her in and that itself was a bigger blessing then she ever could have hoped for. The other angels would not be so kind. Astrid kept her gaze down she was feeling a variety of emotions and she was unsure of how to react to them or how to read them. She did not like feeling as if her only choice was leaving and forgetting all about this. Plus, what would come of the angel? There would be punishments for him as well if they found out he had helped her and the thought made her stomach churn unpleasantly.

"Why are you doing this? If they find out that you have helped me the consequences will not be taken lightly."

The thought made her stop in her tracks, if she were to stay there was a high chance of her being found, this angel was trying to give her a chance to run and a chance to keep her life and she could not repay him by being captured and letting him get ripped to shreds by his superiors. Astrid lifted her gaze so that she could meet his eyes again and nodded her head in slow resignation.

"I'll leave first thing in the morning"

Astrid lifted her hand and moved towards him as if to touch his shoulder. It was a gesture she had used while attempting to comfort humans, it was a small sign of affection and she wanted to express her gratitude. Before she actually touched him however she pulled her and back towards herself and let her arms fall limply to her sides. The angel looked uncomfortable enough as it was and she did not wish to further discomfort him. Instead she offered him a weak smile, hoping that it got her sincerity across. She was truly grateful to him and though she did not understand his kindness or where it was coming from, she did not want to take advantage of it and the fallen angel wanted him to know that it really did mean a lot to her. She was not sure how to show that though so she settled on whispered words.

"Thank you"

Astrid held eye contact with him for a moment and than moved to turn away, but changed her mind halfway through and ended up awkwardly tripping over her own feet in an attempt to turn back to her. She felt her cheeks flush and she avoided looking directly at him again trying to will the blush away. It was just another reaction her body had that she had to get used too. She was not quite used to embarrassment. After composing herself however, her expression turned serious.

"May I ask who you are?"

[CASTIEL]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6d7077 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/cas01back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.55; filter:alpha(opacity=55); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] If there had been any deception in Castiel, if he had fallen far enough from what he'd once been to be able to lie, he would have done so when she asked him why he was helping her. Because he wanted to believe that he didn't know the answer, he wanted to not have to think about it so that he could imagine it was a whim, or that he was doing it because he was too busy to lose the time it would take to 'deal with' Astrid or even because he was having a moment of weakness due to the momentary sense of camaraderie that came from being indoors on a snowy day, each with their paper cups full of sweet, milky human beverage. Any of those answers would have been more comfortable than the truth. But she'd asked, and so he answered. "I believe that the Host has been...overenthusiastic recently in their pursuit of those who look past the simplest interpretations of Obedience." He wouldn't look at her as he said it, he was watching his cup of coffee, the way the foam on top was slowly deflating and the spreading ribbons of golden-brown from the caramel sauce as it sank through the thinning cloud of milk and air. "I think that our Father would not agree with this." Just saying it was treasonous, but if anyone had been watching he and Astrid would both be recalled Home already. He glanced up at her, his eyes were bluer than Jimmy Novak's had ever been. Nodding when she said that she would leave. "I think that would be safest for you." And because he couldn't lie, "and for me." There was the briefest hesitation when she asked his name, it would have been easier if she hadn't cared. "Castiel. My name is Castiel." Would she know him? No reason she should, he was no favorite son. Just a soldier who had too many questions. Speaking of which, would he ask? He'd never get another chance, probably. It would be folly to ever seek her out again after this meeting, and he desperately wanted to know. "Why did you do it?" His voice dropped to barely over a whisper. "Why did you leave? What made you decide?" He sounded pained because it was painful. Because he was so afraid that he was heading down the same road.

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[ASTRID NIGHT]

There was a question that lingered in the forefront of her thoughts. Her curiosity was spiked and she leaned forward slightly but she stopped short right before the words tumbled out of her mouth. There was a reason that this angel had his belief's about the Host. Though he had not done it directly, he was disagreeing with the harsh punishments and demands and Astrid wanted to know why, but she couldn't bring herself to ask. Gaze was turned away from her, but she couldn't make out the tension in his brow and the frown tugging at his lips, the only way she felt she could describe his expression was haunted. Astrid felt a powerful tug deep within her chest and she felt foolish when her eyes momentarily teared up because she could only imagine what he had gone through to give him an expression like that.

"You are correct, I do not think he would agree"

She said softly, her voice going so quiet that she trailed off at the end of that sentence. There was a moment of silence that seemed too thick between the two of them and Astrid almost let out a sigh of relief when he broke the painful tension with his name. The angel was right, it would be safer to leave and though she felt conflicted she was coming to terms with the fact that it was possibly her only choice. One more night in this small, but beautiful Colorado town and she could leave it behind. She trusted him to take care of whatever was causing people harm, it was foolish of her but she allowed the small sparks of trust to fill her.

When he spoke his name she closed her eyes for just a moment scanning through her memory to place the name. Castiel, the angel of Thursday. that was all she was able to come up with though. She felt a small sting of regret that she had never had the opportunity to see him in his true form. Now that she had fallen she could recognize signs of his grace, she could feel power radiating off of him but she could not truly see his form. Not unless he allowed her. Astrid was broken out of her thoughts again with the question springing from his lips. Astrid sighed and reached up to pull her hair out of the tight ponytail it was in, she could feel a dull throb in the back of her skull and she did not want it to escalate to anything more than that and relief seemed to wash out of her scalp as her hair tumbled down past her shoulders and to the middle of her back. She nodded her head towards the chairs, wanting to be able to feel at least a bit of comfort with the cushions underneath her as she spoke to him.

"We are not allowed to feel compassion"

She started slowly and then frowned, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say. Her thoughts seemed to jumble together and she had to take a deep breath in order to calm herself down.

"We are not mean to feel compassion or regret, these feelings lead to questions and to doubts which leads to rebellious angels. Our father created humans, beautiful and flawed creatures that I feel are meant to be saved. I am not high enough in my garrison to know what exactly the plans for the humans were, but whatever it would have cost a lot of lives-"

"- I felt compassion, empathy and affection for these creatures and I questioned my orders. I refused to go forth with my duties as a soldier and I was cast out."

Astrid held Castiel's gaze, wanting more then anything for her to have some sort of understand to why she had made the decisions she had. There was already some sort of understanding between them, their had to be, he had not gone through with smiting her, or turning here in. That had to mean something.

"I do not regret it, I miss my home very much and my family, but I wouldn't take it back"

[CASTIEL]

[atrb=style, width: 500px; background: #6d7077 url(http://teaandheresy.com/moon/cas01back.jpg) no-repeat center bottom; border: 1px solid #000; -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000, bTable][atrb=valign,bottom][atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=style, padding: 0px 15px 15px 15px; border: 1px solid #000; color: #000; background-color: #cccdce; opacity: 0.55; filter:alpha(opacity=55); -moz-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;-webkit-box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;box-shadow: 3px 3px 10px #000;] Castiel sat across from Astrid with his head down, dark hair feathering across his forehead and a cooling cup of overpriced dessert-coffee in his hand as he tried and failed not to agree with what Astrid was saying. He didn't want her to be right. He didn't want her to make sense. And above all he didn't want her to be saying aloud the things he'd never been brave enough to even really think clearly. "He was right." It was a whisper, voiceless. If she hadn't been more than human she might not even have heard him. "They're better than us. We are meant to bow to them." The words sounded painful because they were, it literally hurt him to say them. His soul was barely healed from his 'retraining', but it wasn't enough to keep him from thinking these dangerous, seditious, treasonous thoughts. He leaned toward her, the cup in his hand forgotten as he looked up from the table and directly at her. "All we are is perfect. Perfect is easy. They have potential. Imagination. They're so much bigger than we are, so much better. They strive and grow and battle their own base natures to find their redemption." Castiel's eyes shone, not with tears but with the fierceness of what he felt and how badly he wanted not to feel it. "We should bow to them. Serve them. It's blasphemy that we don't." Castiel knew that these thoughts, these beliefs that had been growing in him for years but which had only burst fully to flower in the past months weren't exactly the same things that Astrid was talking about. Compassion wasn't what he felt for humans, his feelings for them were more muddled and less...beautiful. Castiel felt awe for humanity. Awe and love and the baffled resenting admiration that is the start of worship. Castiel's problem was that he was just figuring out that humans are better than him, and he had no idea what to do with it. But she was the nearest thing he'd ever found to someone who understood, and so he found himself prolonging this contact between them no matter how dangerous it was to both of them. And so he leaned toward her, his voice still low and rough and quiet because he was afraid of his own words. "I don't want to Fall. Even if I should. I just want..." his voice cracked, he sounded like an eight year old boy for a moment. "I just want our Father to come back and tell us what's right. I don't know how to decide things, all I am is perfect. I don't have free will. He's supposed to tell us."

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[ASTRID NIGHT]

Astrid listened intently to every word that Castiel was saying. She felt a quick wave of emotion pass over her but she kept herself in check. Her hands were clenched into a fist on her lap at this point, but her gaze did not waver from his. Their stories were not the same, but she felt understanding sweep over her and she tried to choose her words very carefully, she did not want him to turn away from her, or leave her sitting alone with the coffee on the small side table next to her. Astrid waited a moment before responding to him, hoping she could have the chance to help him understand her more. At least in a way that no human or angel ever had before.

"They are beautiful, each strength and each flaw is a piece of something larger and I see express each trait and it's wonderful. There is a lot of hate here on this Earth, and there are people who do not set out to do good, but often times people focus on what is wrong, instead of seeing the good in people who I know feel insignificant despite their beauty"

Astrid paused for a moment, bringing her coffee to her lips and taking a drink, letting her words rest with him for a minute. She could see his internal struggle, he kept his composure well and it was barely there, but she felt as if she could almost see it in his shockingly blue eyes. Astrid set her cup back on the table and rested her hands on her knees and leaning forward almost subconsciously.

"I didn't want to fall, Castiel. It was what had to do in order to think for myself. I understand though, there is a silly part of me that still dreams of the day when our father will swoop in and save me. We don't have answers though we are made to serve."

Astrid reached out again and gently placed her hand on his, the second her fingers brushed his knuckles however she pulled back quickly. There was a line here somewhere and for some reason she found herself afraid to cross it. She was hardly comfortable with how to interact with other humans, and she found it even harder to understand what was appropriate with another angel. Astrid looked down at her hands for a moment, simply playing with her fingers and considering the conversation she was having.